4ging-the-godess

Fuck all of you then

Went very well... we had lots of fun up in the fresh air and the visit reminded me how much I want to move up there.

The only thing that happened that was a huge bummer was the fact that the people that we planned on moving up with both smoke... regular tobacco and pot... One is on probation so he doesn't smoke pot but his girlfriend refuses to quit with him.

My one and only rule for driving them up there (which we didn't have much room to do so in the first place) was that they weren't allowed to smoke in my car. and do you know what SHE did? That is right... she smoked in my car.

I don't smoke. I don't drink. I have a clean system except for energy drinks and candy... (I am a junky for sweets)

Troy (Brandon's brother) understands this... He doesn't smoke near me often and tried to tell her not to. She doesn't respect my request to refrain from smelling up my car and was smoking weed in my car and trying to hide it while I was in it. You think that i couldn't smell it right... *sarcastic laugh*

My car is a 1991 Toyota Corolla dx. it seat 5 uncomfortably. We told them that we were going to have to take two cars... She complained until Troy asked us if they could try and squeeze into the back of our car with the dog. We said that they would be uncomfortable and that there was barely enough for our stuff. They said they promise not to complain and that they would pack a very small bag.

So we stupidly let them talk us into it. We are supposed to live with them right? Might as well see how we do for half a day in a car together.

They spent the ride complaining about the dog not wanting to stay curled up in a little corner so that they could have to whole seat. They took turns elbowing her to try and make our 60 pound and 3 foot tall just recently spayed puppy smaller... and then yelling at her because her nose was buried in her belly from curling up so tight... I wanted to strangle someone... and that doesn't happen often. Oh and did I mention that instead of waiting until we stopped somewhere they kept trying to light up in the back seat.

I have come to the decision that if we are to move... and if we do move in with them... I will actually confront them and tell them exactly how I feel. And since me and Brandon will be the main mula and grub providers I will tell them that they can't smoke in the main rooms and only in theirs and I will tell them that there will be no alcohol in the house unless someone of age buys it. And right now the ages stand at 19(Troy), 18(Brittani), 20(Brandon), and 20(myself).

So I guess the thing that bothered me really blew up my vacation... But I did enjoy being up there. It was beautiful and I took many pictures. We took long walks through red wood trails and hiked on the beach.. and spent a lot of time job and apartment searching.

Til next time.

Then you die.

And become brain craving fiends.

All I gotta do know is get the paperwork done and find a place to stay...

Fuck this crap.

I have been saving up money... I have been able to buy gas without worrying about draining my account... mostly because I haven't had to give any of my money to my dad... and I can pay the bills...

I just have to keep at my job and save up for a good apartment and leave this stupid smelly town for good. I want to rid myself of all this crap and move on.

Oh and to tell the truth... I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH SMOKERS...
I HATE THE SMELL AND I HATE THE LOOK AND I HATE HATE HATE THE PEOPLE WHO DO IT.

I really want to just move out on my own and see how it goes... there is a mess of safety nets up there and if we don't make it there will always be someone to fall back to. At least temporarily.

Down here I am fucked. My family doesn't want to help me. They don't care what happens... My mom wants me to stay here so that she can still control me but she still doesn't want me to live there. And my dad keeps asking for money that he won't use for what he says he'll use it for.... He says I can come back but why do you think that? I am gone and I am not helping with the bills or the food anymore... It went a week before he called me up asking for money because he spent all his on god knows I shouldn't say.

Over and out.

Today is the day that we drive the 8 hour trip to our future home. Our destination... McKinleyville. We were planning to go to the beach while we were there but seeing as the most recent natural disaster has turned the usual calm 5 foot waves into  whopping 8 foot ones... well... we might be able to by the end of the week. We'll just have to wait until we are there to find out.

We have been planning this trip for around three months now and we changed the date of our departure around three times. We were first planning on heading up there during spring break which would be April 16-23, then we left my dad's house and decided that it would be better if we moved it along a tad faster then originally planned so we were going to leave four weeks ago but Brandon's brother's girlfriend couldn't request so many days off with such short notice (about 15 days notice) So we told her to pick a week she can request and she picked the 13th through the 20th of March (today!!!). So I requested it off and here we are! Ready to kick-start our road trip.

The only downfall I can see is that all four of us plus our dog will be driving in a 1991 Toyota Corolla. Just cause it has five seat belts doesn't mean it will be comfortable... We were planning on taking two vehicles but her truck has been having problems ever since she bought it (We have the though that it is a lemon. But trying to get it fixed is a little harder then what the commercials say.) and saving gas money and money for the trip period was a little difficult for her... So I have to pay for the whole trip... Since I have been saving so that I can put down a deposit on a place when we find one... I will just have to work longer in order to keep up my savings so that I can support everyone. But hey that will be okay. There are way better job opportunities up there for experienced people so we will all be able to keep up fine if we get on it and keep to it. this is looking promise minus my complaining.

So I might be a little pissed now but I am sure everything will fall together fine. I can feel it. The world is turning and instead of running the opposite direction and getting nowhere I am strolling along with it and getting farther then I ever thought I could.

I am so excited about this trip. I know the rest of my family thinks that I am ruining all hopes I have of a life but I say fuck them. (excuse my french) I can feel that this is the direction I need to go. At least for now this is what is best for me.

I feel so alone sometimes. I have been wandering around and trying to find stability. But all I find is greed. I am so lucky to have friends that will offer me so much... When I need help they help without asking for anything in return. And right now that is what has been helping me along. They give me advice when I need it and you wouldn't know it but I really need it! One of these friends is a dad with three daughters (two of them twins) I have spent many nights talking about things that really hurt me and he somehow says the right things and turns it all around. Another is always making me laugh no matter what the situation is... and he is always full of funny hunting stories *shakeshead* enough of that... i need to sleep for a bit.

Sorry for not writing journals here. I have been spending so much time at work and blogging on my other sites about religion and such that I forgot about DA... Bad Arielle... Bad bad bad.
well I will try to keep this more updated. I can't promise anything though... I might complain a bit more later since that is what is easiest to write about isn't it?